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Alex's Monologue
Apr. 17th, 2005 07:10 pmThis is me and Alex talking on Friday about the inaccuracies of Beauty and the Beast. I thought it was kind of funny, so I put it in here.
Alex:Okay, so how old would you say Chip was? 8 or 9, right? Well, in "Be Our Guest", they say "ten years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting", so if they've been objects for 10 years, how was Chip conceived?
Me: Um...yeah, hate to break the news to you this way, Alex, but Mrs. Potts had an affair with Cogsworth. Sorry.
Alex: Ha, ha. My sides are splitting.
Me: Well, maybe Chip's like, 11 or something.
Alex: If he was 11, then how would he know he was a boy? He says in Act II, "Mama, will I ever get to be a boy again?". How could he possibly remember being a boy if he was only human for one year of his life?
Me: That's stupid, Alex. Mrs. Potts would obviously tell him the story of how they became objects. I mean, becoming human again was pretty much their only goal for about 10 years. Naturally she'd tell him so he knew what was going on.
Alex: Yeah, about that, now we get into the Beast's age. In the prologue, the narrator guy says: "The rose will bloom until his 21st year". Now, we know that it doesn't mean the 21st year of the curse, because the rose is already pretty much dead after the 10 years, right? So it must mean his 21st birthday. Which leads me to my point: who would put a curse on an 11-year-old boy? I mean, he's bound to be sort of a prick. And who is supposed to find their true love when they're 11, or even 21? *turning to Kim, a.k.a. The Enchantress and pointing accusingly* You are MEAN! You are a MEAN, MEAN ENCHANTRESS!
Me: ... (What? I couldn't argue with that! I'd considered it myself this summer when I went back and re-watched all my Disney movies.)
Alex:Okay, so how old would you say Chip was? 8 or 9, right? Well, in "Be Our Guest", they say "ten years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting", so if they've been objects for 10 years, how was Chip conceived?
Me: Um...yeah, hate to break the news to you this way, Alex, but Mrs. Potts had an affair with Cogsworth. Sorry.
Alex: Ha, ha. My sides are splitting.
Me: Well, maybe Chip's like, 11 or something.
Alex: If he was 11, then how would he know he was a boy? He says in Act II, "Mama, will I ever get to be a boy again?". How could he possibly remember being a boy if he was only human for one year of his life?
Me: That's stupid, Alex. Mrs. Potts would obviously tell him the story of how they became objects. I mean, becoming human again was pretty much their only goal for about 10 years. Naturally she'd tell him so he knew what was going on.
Alex: Yeah, about that, now we get into the Beast's age. In the prologue, the narrator guy says: "The rose will bloom until his 21st year". Now, we know that it doesn't mean the 21st year of the curse, because the rose is already pretty much dead after the 10 years, right? So it must mean his 21st birthday. Which leads me to my point: who would put a curse on an 11-year-old boy? I mean, he's bound to be sort of a prick. And who is supposed to find their true love when they're 11, or even 21? *turning to Kim, a.k.a. The Enchantress and pointing accusingly* You are MEAN! You are a MEAN, MEAN ENCHANTRESS!
Me: ... (What? I couldn't argue with that! I'd considered it myself this summer when I went back and re-watched all my Disney movies.)
