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I'm so *tired*.
Nov. 5th, 2008 10:17 pmI just overslept Vox. I laid down for a 20-minute nap and my phone didn't go off. I've no idea why, that's only the 2nd time that's ever happened; I was holding it in my sleep so I'd feel it when it went off, so maybe I pressed a button or something, I don't know.
But I'm really mad and I hate myself, I really *wanted* to go to Vox tonight (it's an a capella female group on campus, sings really fun pop songs), and I haven't been in ages because my health's been so terrible lately. The thing is, I was really supposed to be at 2 places on campus at 10:00 tonight; Vox rehearsal and starting a NaNoWriMo write-in at The Grille. So I laid there, in bed, precisely waking up at 10:00, wanting to cry I was so angry at myself, but most of all just wanting to go back to sleep.
Because even with all the things I was doing, all the places I was supposed to be and wanted to be, where I wanted to be at most was in bed. Because I was *tired*. My body's tired of the almost month-long battle of fighting this random bacteria it doesn't have the tools to fight, it's tired of trying to soothe my parents that no, the doctor's don't know what it is yet, but they'll have labs done in a week so be calm, of having homework to do and no will to do it, it's tired of running around and making mistakes because that's just what you do to learn things, I'm. Just. Tired.
So tired that, even though I have two places to be and two sets of people counting on me, I don't want to go anywhere but back to sleep.
Which is a big deal. For me.
I almost cried when I climbed out of bed and got ready to go to the write-in. All I want to do is sleep though the next two days. But I have a chapter to read. A paper to write. 60 Chinese characters to memorize for a test on Friday. Choir tomorrow evening, where we'll get yelled at because we don't know the material and the concert's in four weeks.
...FUUUUUUUCK ALL I WANT TO DO IT CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP.
But I'm really mad and I hate myself, I really *wanted* to go to Vox tonight (it's an a capella female group on campus, sings really fun pop songs), and I haven't been in ages because my health's been so terrible lately. The thing is, I was really supposed to be at 2 places on campus at 10:00 tonight; Vox rehearsal and starting a NaNoWriMo write-in at The Grille. So I laid there, in bed, precisely waking up at 10:00, wanting to cry I was so angry at myself, but most of all just wanting to go back to sleep.
Because even with all the things I was doing, all the places I was supposed to be and wanted to be, where I wanted to be at most was in bed. Because I was *tired*. My body's tired of the almost month-long battle of fighting this random bacteria it doesn't have the tools to fight, it's tired of trying to soothe my parents that no, the doctor's don't know what it is yet, but they'll have labs done in a week so be calm, of having homework to do and no will to do it, it's tired of running around and making mistakes because that's just what you do to learn things, I'm. Just. Tired.
So tired that, even though I have two places to be and two sets of people counting on me, I don't want to go anywhere but back to sleep.
Which is a big deal. For me.
I almost cried when I climbed out of bed and got ready to go to the write-in. All I want to do is sleep though the next two days. But I have a chapter to read. A paper to write. 60 Chinese characters to memorize for a test on Friday. Choir tomorrow evening, where we'll get yelled at because we don't know the material and the concert's in four weeks.
...FUUUUUUUCK ALL I WANT TO DO IT CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP.
